How grief transformed my life. Follow me on my healing journey.
You don’t just lose someone once you lose them everyday…..
About Me
My husband died almost two years ago. November 9, 2022 to be exact we had just celebrated our third year of marriage. Towards the end of our first year was his first admission to the hospital. Little did I know everything was not fine and it was the beginning of a tough road ahead. The second year of marriage he progressively became sicker. He tried to stop but the withdrawal was terrible. Alcoholism is a real disease!
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Shortly after my husbands death life was a fog nothing seemed real. I remember waking up after sleeping almost daily and wondering if this was a nightmare. Nothing can ever prepare you for death. My grief started long before his death. I work in healthcare care and it was just so heartbreaking watching the person I loved become a shell of himself. He was strong way stronger than me. I just wanted to save him but I could not.
I remember his last hospitalization like it was yesterday I had been working it was a Saturday he was really sick and I was at work with no way to come home. I work in healthcare and I was on call. I had been working for 3 hours and finally I was able to go home. He was so sick and hallucinating when I arrived home.
The next morning I woke up to the sound of him in the restroom he was holding on the wall so I got up to see what was wrong. As soon as I made it to the bathroom he collapsed and I was able to gently sit him on the bathroom floor. He was out for about 20 seconds it seemed so long I was holding him so I could not reach for my phone. I carried him to the bed to lay him down and told him I was going to get help. He told me he did not want to go back the hospital so I waited for about an hour and half. I let him rest and he just looked so week worse than the night before. He was up and moving around the night before but now he was so week it was like night and day. I let him rest and as I was still on call I attempted to find someone to cover my on call so that I could be with him in the hospital. I was unsuccessful. I had to call an ambulance when they arrived they could not get the stretcher into to bedroom so they made him walk to it. He was so weak but he made it . We arrived at the hospital and I spoke with the nurse practitioner and told her that I thought he may need a blood transfusion because given his previous hospitalizations he appeared very weak
My Journey Through Grief 